7 entertaining tam-tam answers

Not at home? Please leave a message on your answering machine, but this time let it me memorable πŸ™‚ Here are some suggestions:

7. Hi! Jan’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

6. Hello. This is Ron’s answering machine, Marvin, and I’m SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don’t talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it’s so cheery sounding.

5. Hello, this is David. I don’t live here, so if you were trying to call me, you’ve dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don’t guarantee that one of them will call you backβ€”only that I won’t.

4. Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

3. Leave a message or I’ll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.

2. Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG… Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.

1. Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.

Like more of them? Please, help yourself at:


I’m home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it,

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About JustEnglish.me

This blog is Zoe's way to spread the joy of finding and learning interesting bits about English. Join her and learn something new every time.

8 responses to “7 entertaining tam-tam answers”

  1. determinedmom says :

    Very, very funny stuff! Thanks for the post πŸ™‚

    • translationsareus says :

      Thank you for your feed-back, determinedmom. Stay tuned for more funny posts. Best, Zoe.

  2. Stefanie Neumann says :

    Hi Zoe, great blog that you have, here. I like your humour and also find helpful information for me as a non native speaker. Thanks much! πŸ™‚

    Thank you also for stopping by at my blog. Very much appreciated.

    • translationsareus says :

      Dear Stefanie, Thank you loads for your feedback! Glad that my blog is of use for other non-native speakers. I now follow your blog, too, cause I studied German in scondary school and “use it or lose it” I don’t want to forget every bit of the German complicated Grammar. πŸ™‚ All the best, Zoe

      • Stefanie Neumann says :

        Liebe Zoe, dann achte ich von jetzt an noch besser darauf, gutes Deutsch zu schreiben. πŸ™‚ – Happy to support you in having some German exercise.

        It’s true, the German grammar can be a bit complicated. My Partner is US-American (not really a help in keeping up to my British English, haha!) and is learning German, now and actually even I cannot answer all his Grammar questions. It’s rather that I’m learning more myself through his studies. πŸ˜‰

        All the best to you, too,

  3. Kip Light says :

    Wonderful stuff. I’ve been struggling to find something good for my voice mail message on my cell phone and these have definitely given me some great ideas. Now if I can just get someone to call me πŸ˜‰

    • translationsareus says :

      Hi, there and thank you for your comment. Please, do tell me their reaction on one of these messages, it should be a hearty laugh πŸ™‚ Smiles and good wishes, Zoe

      • Kip Light says :

        I certainly will πŸ™‚ I may save the voice mail if they react in their message. Smiles and best wishes to you, Zoe.

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