Crazy English

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

12. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

13. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

14. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

15. They were too close to the door to close it.

16. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

17. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

18. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

19. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

20. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

21. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.

And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

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This blog is Zoe's way to spread the joy of finding and learning interesting bits about English. Join her and learn something new every time.

9 responses to “Crazy English”

  1. Let's CUT the Crap! says :

    No wonder newcomers have a terrible time learning English. 😀

    • trishwp says :

      Newcomers! My husband is American and he can’t spell, either. When I correct him, he just asks me when they changed the spelling!

      • Lloyd says :

        Americans have the same problem with some slang/everyday Brithishism’s, especially when watching Brit movies. Just try to infer from the ongoing sentence what the word means. Like””I’m skint”. I think that means I’m broke, have no money, etc. There are others I can’t remember. Australians have some special words too. i just recently noticed a word in print and spoken English on TV,but not in everyday conversation. I have yet to hear it used once. The word is “TROPE” which means mannerisms or style.

      • Lloyd says :

        ….and don’t forget “Let’s CUT to the Chase” 🙂

  2. Irma says :

    Reblogged this on Prose and Possibilities and commented:
    Awesome post!

  3. Lloyd says :

    I am so happy I was born here! How confusing.

  4. trishwp says :

    Reblogged this on Life of Trish and commented:
    I love this! I’m a nut for correct English, but who can blame any of us for making mistakes.

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